this is the security blanket i’ve slept with for 16 years. i haven’t told anyone about it. all of my friends outgrew their security blankets and teddies years and years ago, but i kept mine throughout my entire life, it always slept right next to me. i used to believe it had healing powers. when my ankles hurt i would just wrap my blanket around them and then by the morning, my blanket cured me. i don’t know where i got my blanket, it’s always just been with me.
as you can see, it’s barely a blanket anymore. usually it’s curled up in a ball so i never see it like this. but today i untangled it and i saw this. i held it up to my window. it is translucent. it’s so worn that just setting it down for a picture caused a piece to fall off.
i start to wonder why i made my blanket stay with me for so long. i hate what i did to it. i didn’t roughhouse with it or anything- this is strictly from it lying in my bed every night, and me holding onto it. i was wondering what my blanket would look like had i stopped sleeping with it years ago. would it still look like a blanket? would it be happy? would i look back on it with fond memories? i feel as if i hurt this blanket just by sleeping with it in my bed for so long. i remember what it looked like when i was younger. i feel so bad, it stayed by my side for so long and i turned it to rags.
but at the same time, i don’t think it minds. maybe it just shows how much i loved it. i know i’m 16, i’m too old for these things, but sleeping with a security blanket is just natural. i’ve always done it, i never thought anything of it.
the blanket is worn and in pieces, faded, discolored, it smells like an infant, or maybe it’s the odor of my room and i’m pretending it still smells like a baby.
i want to let my blanket rest now. it’s helped me out for so long, it’s become torn apart and this isn’t the way my blanket deserves to go on. i think we’re getting older. i think my blanket deserves a nice place where it won’t be torn or tattered any more. i think we need to sleep in our own beds now.
tagged as: i've never told anyone, i don't know why i'm saying it here, i might delete it,